Originally and for some strange reason while I was watching videos about camera angles and framing during film-making on the internet, I remembered one of my all-time favorite movie scenes; a very classic one from "Good Will Hunting" where Robin Williams is in a counseling session with Matt Damon's character and suddenly goes off script and begins ad-libbing the lines "my wife used to fart when she was nervous..." For the next 25 seconds or so, he's pure genius, because he offhandedly replaced the boring lines of the original script (I've read it) and ad-libbed a masterpiece that made Matt Damon's laughter completely real....as was that the cameraman filming a close up of Matt Damon's face. If you care to watch, you'll notice the camera moving up and down during this take. That is real comedic genius when the cameraman loses it, the film is shaky, and the director knows a retake is out completely of the question.
After reading about his death, I reflected back to the time, around 11:15 am this morning, when I was launching another youtube screen just to watch that particular scene. I thought about how surprising it was that I had suddenly thought about him out of the blue, probably as he was carrying out his own suicide. Its not everyday that I just out of the blue think about such a comedic and yet, heartwarming scene from one of my favorite movies. And now, the genius behind it all is sadly gone.
How saddening it is to see anyone take their own life. I've lost three cousins to suicide in the past four years - one, who was a distant cousin, former co-worker and a very dear friend that had helped me through two of the most painful moments of my own life. She was always there when I picked up the phone with a cry for help, but I was totally in the dark about her own struggles with depression. My closest cousin was much like her in that he was very outgoing, giving, and loved to laugh. It puts things into perspective when you examine the outward appearance of what you think you see from the outside versus the actuality of whats really going on inside a person's mind. Depression is that scary invisible monster that slowly sucks the air out of the room until you feel like you can longer breath, and without help you truly cannot. I feel a kinship with anyone who has truly suffered with it, because in my own experience I can say that it always has the potential to be life altering.
A special prayer for everyone everywhere who is coping or trying to...may God carry you through and deliver you to help others. I praise God for all the times He has carried me and certainly those times He resupplied me with the breath of life. The sad reality of life is that all of the vanity of what we seek is miserably unfulfilling even when we find or achieve it. It can truly seem the ultimate tragedy to achieve the heights of our desires only to find despair and disappointment that comes when we realize we are still empty inside. For me personally, God has always poured Himself into that void left when everything else seeped through the cracks. Ask Him to seal the cracks in you and fill the void in your life.